


Belt Buckle (NICK AMARO)

by RockWithItWriting



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 02:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8351980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockWithItWriting/pseuds/RockWithItWriting
Summary: requested by anonymous: okay but can you do something about comforting nick about his past bc he’s super fragile??everything nick mentions (bar the praying) comes from my OWN experience with abuse. the things he says he remembers are the things i remember. also, i took a lot of inspiration from this postword count: 608warnings: mentions of abuse, stories of abuse, use of the f-slur, the spanish equivalent of the f-slur





	

Nick had never told you about his past but you had guessed and put the pieces together.

A man just didn’t have belt buckle scars on his back with no story behind them. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where they came from with the reason he flinched when you jerked.

Sometimes you even saw him praying under his breath just before he settled into bed with you, which was strange. Nick prayed with you, of course he did. He prayed with you before meals when you held hands and bowed your heads, before going undercover, before you left to go out with your friends. Nick prayed a lot.

So why did he feel the need to hide one prayer and belt buckle scars? You were shaking, nervous, because what was he hiding? Was it even your right to ask him about it? You had thought you should wait until he told you about the reasons behind why he did what he did but you were too worried. So you sat him down and kissed his knuckles before asking him why, nothing else, just why. You wanted to ask him why he felt like he needed to hide it from you, why it had happened to him, but you just settled on why.

And then Nick broke down.

He collapsed into your arms and prayed out loud, begging God to be with him, to stay with him, to help him through his life. Nick told God that he would go to Him if He could just get Nick through it. You kissed his forehead and smoothed his hair back, Nick’s whole torso in your lap as he cried. After he finished praying, he began speaking.

“My father found out I’m bisexual when I was young. That was the first night he laid a hand on me instead of my mother. _Para el machismo_. I was a faggot, _maricón_ , and he hated me. Then I started stepping in for my mother. For my sister.” You felt the burn of tears, bending down to let your lips linger on the side of his face, “Then he started beating me for no reason.

“You don’t understand. You’ll never understand. I lived in fear. I prayed all day. If God could just get me through that day, I would never leave him. My father, he liked beating me. His hands, God, his hands were so tight on my arms. I can remember how his eyes looked as he beat me.

“I remember seeing my blood on his hands and hiding my bruises from my mother. I remember the way he smelt and the way he sounded and the way I felt when I was walking home from school. The memories will never leave me. You’ll never understand.” Your bones ached with sadness for Nick and you sighed into his sweaty, flushed skin.

“I’ll never understand,” You conceded, “I’ll never understand. but I can try. And I can help you. You just need to talk to me, Nicky. You can pray with me and you can ask me to hold you and if I’ve ever done anything, anything, that reminded you of him please tell me. I love you, Nicky,” You weren’t sure what you expected but Nick crying more was not one of the options you had in your head. But he was crying, holding onto your arms as he curled up in your lap, sniffling. You kissed the crown of his head, his forehead, his cheekbones. You wanted him to feel loved, to feel safe.

“Thank you,” He gasped, “God, thank you. You’ve answered my prayers, thank you.”


End file.
